i was never full. always a half of a girl, never full. i never got my chance. when i was little, i was left at the streets by both my dad and mum. i had fucking four years. what could i fucking do? but then this wonderful woman showed up and rescued me. but even she had her secrets. there were some things that i shouldn't have heard, but i did. and that's what makes me me. infinity avery. the secret girl. the ice princess of the town.

starting primary school was okay. meeting new people. it was kinda okay. i met some friends that are still with me, my two besties that are still with me. but some people didn't get me. some weirdos that talked about the shadows on my face, and no matter how much beauty sleep i would get and no matter how much powder i would get on my face, they would still talk about shadows. but it was kinda okay, that too.

high school was different, and it changed me too. a lot. one bestie was gone and another one came back. those weirdos that were talking about shadows were still there. i used to be such a happy girl. smiling at everything life sended to me. the words that leaded me - you only live once. i laughed. i was happy. i didn't care about anything. there were too many boys to count. but there was one that i remembered. the prince charming.

today, i pretend he never exsisted. like i never knew his name. like i never got my first kiss from him. like i never was full because of him. like he never knew my name. like he never gave me my first kiss. like he never buyed that rose and left it on my doorway before leaving the town. and, once in my life, i was full. because of him. and it was a great time. we were so happy. i gave him a gift i would never gave to anyone else... my virginity. it lasted for half a year. do you imagine? having a happy ending for fucking six months, being happy as you have never been before, and then everything would be taken from you. that's what happened to me. he left, claiming the shadows on my face aren't beauty anymore as he used to see... but a horror. and it broke me. and i knew it. i could never ever be full again without him. i thought about it back then when i was seventeen and now that i'm nineteen, studying languages like i ever wanted. i'm never going to be full again, so i don't try anymore.

the truth is that now, i know what the shadows mean. i'm dead. and i've been dead since my childhood. the memories came back... my parents never left me. they left my body. i stopped blaiming them for this. they couldn't know. so, i lived. and? since i know the truth, the life is easier. i try to forget that boy. and i'm probably just dreaming, studying what i ever wanted. but i just pretend to be happy. i still ain't full. i never will be. i'm half a heart.

solarir, 12, 2 +, love <3